Round 1: Property Savings Along the East-West MRT Line
Ring Announcer: Now, for the thousands in the arena and the millions watching around the world, ladies and gentlemen, from Marina Bay Sands, let’s get ready to rumble.
Introducing first, fighting out of the red corner, wearing the blue trunks with the red and white trim. He stands at 171 centimetres, weighing in at 75 kilos. Fighting out of East Singapore, Tampines “Flyboy” Pasir Ris.
(The fans are on their feet cheering. Flyboy is shadow boxing for them and pointing to the crowd. The cameras pan the audience, focusing in on an attractive Mediacorp artiste.)
Introducing the other contender, fighting out of the blue corner, wearing the black trunks with the white trim. He stands at 170 centimetres, weighing in at 75.8 kilos. Fighting out of West Singapore, Joo Koon “Pioneer” Boon Lay.
(Pioneer dances in the middle of the ring and pumps his fists. A few catcalls from some East Coast fans can be heard over the roar of the crowd. The camera pans in on a television reporter holding a microphone to a government minister.)
Reporter: Sir, who are you picking to win?
Minister: That’s a tough one. They’re both so evenly matched. It’ll probably come down to who plans and executes better.
(The fight referee motions for Flyboy and Pioneer to join him in the centre of the ring. The two fighters touch gloves.)
Referee: I want to see a clean, fair fight. No punching below the belt. When I come between you and shout break, I want you to separate immediately. The judges have informed me that they are going to be strict on the technicalities of the sport and will deduct for showboating. Do you understand my instructions?
(The fighters nod, touch gloves, and return to their respective corners to await the bell.)
Play-by-Play Announcer: And that was the bell, round one is underway. Both fighters have come out punching.
Colour Commentator: Not surprising. This is quite a rivalry. There’s tremendous controversy over which fighter is better. They both have large, avid fan groups who are very vocal in arguing the merits of East versus West. I expect an energetic fight that will come down to the judges’ scorecard.
Play-by-Play Announcer: What will the judges be looking for?
Colour Commentator: In round one, they will look at property savings along the MRT line connecting East to West.
Specifically, the judges are measuring how much people save on property by living east or west of Raffles Place.
The fighter that offers the most savings wins the round.
Play-by-Play Announcer: Wow, did you see that flurry of punches from both fighters? This is quite a contest. I’m glad I’m not a judge. Who knows how they are going to score this round.
Colour Commentator: Well, we’ll get a chance to find out shortly. There’s the bell ending the first round.
Play-by-Play Announcer: Here comes the scorecard now. For our viewers at home, we can share the results. It looks like Flyboy from the East has just edged out Pioneer from the West.
Colour Commentator: Yes, indeed. It was close but you have to hand it to Flyboy. He consistently came out on top in head-to-head matchups of commuting times. In most cases he had the lower price-per-square-foot for private, resale apartments. Thus, he served up more property savings per commuting time along the East-West MRT line.
Play-by-Play Announcer: Correct. With the exception of the two-minute and eight-minute commuting marks, Flyboy’s punches were stronger than that of Pioneer. For example, at the 13-minute mark, an Easterner saves 49% by living in Eunos as opposed to Raffles Place. Meanwhile, a Westerner saves only 31% by living in Commonwealth.
Colour Commentator: On top of that, Flyboy delivered the most powerful punch, a huge left hook of 56% in property savings. His fans in Pasir Ris must be beside themselves with glee. He has really done them proud in the first round.
Play-by-Play Announcer: Okay, let’s take a commercial break and when we return, it’s round two!